Finding Narnia
by Schyzotypal X
Summary: Ichigo and Rukia, in a closet, with all the time in the world to figure out how to undo a bra.-oneshot- p.s. This has nothing to do with the Chronicles of Narnia.


Note: **Ichigo,Rukia, _Byakuya_**

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Finding Narnia

"Gah. Ichigo! What the Hell!"

"**Shhhh. Can it, or else the Renj-meister or the B-man will hear us, and God knows how that's gonna go."**

"How on earth did you come up with those stupid nicknames for Renji and Byakuya."

"With the magical rainbow power of my imagination. Now be quiet lovey, I'm trying to concentrate."

"Oh God, Ichigo, what are you doing with my bra?"

"**What does it look like I'm doing, I'm unfastening it, this shit is hard to do in the dark."**

"Ok Ichigo, that's really great and all but if you haven't noticed, that's MY bra you're unfastening there and I would appreciate it if you would fucking stop."

"**Oh c'mon Rukia, please!"**

"Ichigo, I'm not sure how you were raised, but my standards for romance are a bit higher than this."

"**What's wrong with this place, it's nice, private, four walls."**

"Ichigo, this is a broom closet."

"**And a nice one at that, now then, off with the bra."**

"NO. Look, I could take the motel room and the public restroom but this is going too far Ichigo."

"**C'mon Rukia, between Renji, your brother and soul society, right now in this broom closet is probably the only way anything is going to happen for weeks."**

"Then I don't want anything to happen."

"**Rukia!"**

"It's a BROOM CLOSET. I don't know about you, but that doesn't really set the tone for me alright."

"**Fine, would you prefer the freezer?"**

"…"

"**Rukia?"**

"I'm going."

"**Is that a yes to the freezer?"**

"No. No it's not a yes to the damn freezer!"

"**Oh come on, what's wrong with the freezer?"**

"You do realize that's were Hitsugaya goes with Momo right?"

"**I know it's cold and all bu-wait, what about midget boy."**

"Do I need to spell this out for you? He goes to the freezer with MOMO!"

"**Peach girl and midget boy? For real?"**

"Yes Ichigo, for real."

"**Wow."**

"I know, I said the same thing when Rangiku told me."

"**Hmmm. Well, if we're just gonna **_**talk**_**, do you know if anything is going on between Byakuya and Renji?"**

"What are you talking about Ichigo?"

"**Well you know, do you know if they're…an item?"**

"I am not having this discussion with you."

"**Oh come on, you know those two have the hots for each other."**

"La la la. I'm not listening!"

"**You know it's true Rukia!"**

"This is my older brother we're talking about Ichigo!"

"**Oh come on. That man's so far in the closet he's in Narnia!"**

"Gah. You know what, No, I refuse to discuss this anymore. God only knows what Byakuya would do to you if he heard that."

"**Yes. It's the gay comments that really get to him, nothing about me with his sister in a broom closet, topless."**

"Who's topless now? Me, or you Ichigo?"

"**Is me and you a good answer?"**

"Why the hell did you take your shirt off you idiot?"

"**Well while you were shirtless I decided to strip down too, I**_** hoped**_** this would go somewhere, eventually."**

"You're pathetic you know that."

"**Mmmm. Probably, but the way I see it, you're topless in a broom closet with me, with no way to find your shirt, in the middle of the day, in Kuchiki manor. So, you can either spend the time waiting for the servants to leave talking, or doing something a bit more enjoyable."**

"…"

"**Well Rukia?"**

"I hate you, you know that."

"**Yup."**

"Fine. But I hope you know what will happen to you if my brother finds us in here like this."

"**Don't be such a wet blanket Rukia, how's he gonna find out? He just happens to be taking a stroll through the servants quarters doing the B-man-dance when he hears us talki-CRAP, H-hey Byakuya, how's it going."**

"_Hello Kurosaki, Rukia."_

"B-brother, h-hello. Nice weather we're having isn't it."

"_Yes, the weather has been fairly decent. But I'm afraid I cannot say as much for you Rukia."_

"Listen, I know it looks bad but."

"_Indeed, it does look very bad Rukia."_

"**Look Byakuya. I can explain all of this."**

"_Yes Kurosaki. Please explain to me why you are lying in a broom closet with my sister, half naked."_

"**W-well, you see, I work at a health clinic a-and Rukia was worried about breast cancer s-so I offered to give her a mammogram. You know, a platonic little mammogram."**

"_So then why has your shirt been discarded as well Kurosaki?"_

"**Umm. Well y-you see, umm there was…there was a fire."**

"_A fire? Really Kurosaki? Tell me more."_

"**Well, there was a fire and…and it was on my shirt…so I had to take it off…to, you know…to put it out."**

"_Ahh. So let me get this straight Kurosaki, you were giving my sister a mammogram in a broom closet when your shirt just happened to catch on fire."_

"**Well…umm…yeah."**

"_And you had to take off your shirt to put out this fire."_

"**Yep. That's about it in a nutshell."**

_Kurosaki…."_

"**Y-yes."**

"_Do you really expect me to believe that far-fetched and idiotic story?"_

"**I wouldn't exactly call it far-fetched…"**

"_You have until three to be as far away as possible."_

"**Now really Byakuya, don't you think that's a bit harsh?"**

"_One."_

"**I mean really, it was only a little-"**

"_Two."_

"**Okay. Going. Going."**

"_Three."_

"**SEE YOU AROUND RUKIA. REMEMBER TO GET EASIER TO UNFASTEN BRA'S!"**

"Ichigo!"

"_Scatter Senbonzakura."_

"Brother!"

"**BYAKUYA KUCHIKI WEARS MAKEUP -GAH! NOT THE FACE! NOT THE FACE!"**

"Do you really think that was necessary brother? He means well, and…"

"_He intended to steal your innocence within a broom closet. That is reason enough for me to kill him."_

"We weren't doing anything! I swear. We were only talking about your relationship with Re-…um."

"_With who?"_

"Ummm, well, Ichigo had a few theories about you and Renji."

"_Are you saying Kurosaki told you that he believes that I have feelings for Renji Abarai?"_

"W-well, more or less…"

"…"

"Brother?"

"_He shall not make it past the manor gates alive."_

"…sigh…"

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A bit OOC, I know. I got the so far in the closet line from Bad Kitty(awesome book by the way, read it) but the rest is 100% retarded little old me. Hope you enjoyed it.


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